Joke, sorry, and BOB

Am really sorry. You know who you are.

OK.
So I've recently discovered a rapper called b.o.b. Please go check him out, his mixtape 'Bob vs bobby ray' is amazing. He's as close to Andre 3000 i think we're going to get people and he has an album out stateside at the end of the month (currently a single no 2 on the billboard!!).

Best Joke Ever time : as promised... i passed 100 'views'

A bear walks into a bar and says, 'i'll have a gin and ................................................ tonic please' the barman says 'sure but why the big pause?' the bear holds up his paws and says 'because I'm a bear?'

EH!!! Th barman was talking about the pause! Not the paws! That's the twist u see! MENTAL.

Thought for the day :
Don't vote Lib Dem. Unless instead of talking with words, you baaa like a sheep.

Don't prod the face thing.

It has been brought to my attention that ‘some’ of the views of this, how do I put it, errmmm lemmethink lemmethink masterpiece of literature, are basically from one person accidently refreshing their page.

Yeah yeah, laugh it up ‘audience’ at least I have a fan, so fuck you.
Anyway if I died tomorrow, google might search the ISP’s of who viewed my blog (as that’s what they do) and see this 1 person viewing it 30 odd times, put 2 and 2 together and they’d be done for murder. So be careful.

Now it’s time for my thought of the day!
Why is it that when you see someone who has a birthmark or scar thing on their face, u look everywhere but the thing itself? God forbid they see you staring at their abomination.
Like today, I caught myself looking at a woman’s nose as she had a MASSIVE birthmarky scabby weird thing on her head over her eye, the works… fucking honestly, I thought it was going to jump on me like the Alien that leaps on Sigourney Weaver’s face in Alien. So anyway there I am, sitting on the train staring intently at her nose and I thought, you know what (I am good in these situations) I’ll diffuse this situation. There was an atmosphere, we were all desperate to know what ‘it’ was and I took charge. The way I stood up to tell everyone on the train that ‘ I know she has a fucking huge weird face thing, and yes it looks like the Alien in Alien, just look at her nose and don’t ask her what it is and don’t prod it to see what it feels like and everything will be alright’ worked I think. Nobody asked her, nobody prodded her, though I did see a guy get his biro out so I shouted ‘DON’T’ and he put it away.
I feel really proud of myself today.

Been a really good day.

BACK

Back.

Drake : OVER
Drake - Over  by  JCChase

As an analyst of music, i'd conclusively state that this song is the shizzness.

Great walk postponement

Unfortunately due to climate change / Tony Blair / Labour, i have had to postpone the great walk - as it's really slippery and my ankles are quite precious.

The good news is that i walked past Argos and saw a 'my little pony' collection on sale - which is another -10pts for Ponies. Zebra's have been a bit quite which get's me thinking quite what they're up to? Hmmm -10pts for being sneaky. Horses get +22.3points due to me using the phrase 'horses for courses' today and because the '.3' is annoying.

Who's the best :
Zebra 20pts
Ponies -20pt
Horses -25pt

The Great Walk!

Due to the phenomenal interest in the initial 'post' I felt it was owed a follow up. Thanks for all the emails and suggestions as to what to do with this (currently standing at 'none') i will try to reply to all (none) of these as soon as i have the time (I have plenty).

I have decided that i am going to walk home from work tomorrow. I live in Ealing and work in Blackfriars. This is a marathon 3 hrs 6 mins according to my sponsors, Google who tell me it is a 9.1 mile walk. The map of said walk is here :

View Larger Map

I am slightly concerned as to whether i have adequate footwear and if you too are concerned (I'm talking to you Mr JD Sports) by all means send me some trainers - i am a UK size 11 ithankyouverymuch. I will take on my 'great walk' as the press have coined it (ahhh delusion) a bottle of coke, 2 packets of crisps and a pack of sour skittles.

Wish me luck!

1st Post!

Hi there,

Not quite sure what to write so I'll just say 'hey' although, hay is for horses. Luckily for me i said 'hey' rather than 'hay' otherwise I'd be in trouble (albeit with myself). Speaking of horses, I saw a horse this morning atop a building (a sculpture mind) and it got me thinking about what are the best, Horses, Ponies or Zebra's. Obviously Zebra's are stripey, vertical stripes too so they look slim - which is 1 point per stripe. According to google there isn't an actual answer to 'how many stripes does your average Zebra have' which is really annoying as without google i am left to guesswork. So I'll award 30 points. Ponies are a bit girly, so -10Pt's here. Horses are strong but short people are allowed to whip them and win a trophy for it, so that's obviously -47.3Pt's. I'll keep this going but today's leader board reads;

Who's the best :
Zebra 30pt
Ponies -10pt
Horses -47.3pt

I might eventually write something funny / important here. I MIGHT. Although I'll be following the 'followers' section and once it reaches 100 I'll tell the funniest joke of all time!

*The above may or may not be a lie.

Davie-M